Content warning: the following blog post contains in-depth discussions of anxiety and depression and a brief discussion of suicidal ideation. 

In December 2020 I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. It had been a very difficult year during the pandemic, and I have always had anxieties, but due to the situation this was exacerbated. I had also managed to get an internship with the Surrey Wildlife Trust, a dream job, which sadly had to be put on indefinite hold because of the pandemic. I am not the best person at talking about my feelings; I prefer to ‘bottle them’ which is not the best way to deal with those feelings.  

At the time I was working for a national postal and delivery company and dealing with the highest number of parcels and demand the company had ever had. Long hours, lone working and just generally feeling underappreciated lead me to head down a dark path. As my resolve continued to be chipped away, it all came to a head. In December my anxiety and depression reached a low-point, and I suffered with suicidal ideations. When everything is negative and going wrong, you feel like there is no way out.  

Fortunately there was a tiny piece of positivity left and it got me online, where I managed to talk to people who eventually led me onto the path to recovery. My employer also stepped in and took me off work for three weeks, where I was prescribed antidepressants and spent three weeks not leaving my bed and watching CSI: Las Vegas, you do whatever you can to get you through it.  

Once my feelings had plateaued, I began to gradually do things I enjoyed again. I focused hugely on my bird ringing, ringing three times a week sometimes, and it helped me to find peace. Birds do not judge you and you feel important, the data that was gathered helps to protect these birds. I started walking in nature again and the sense of quiet and calm really helped me. I started recording species again, looking at plants and animals I had never seen before - it’s always a thrill.  

Life coaching became a regular part of my life, which helped me to be more positive and cope with my anxieties. All these things helped me into a more positive mind set. Luckily the Surrey Wildlife Trust still wanted me, and in 2022 after much soul searching and discovery I started working. I had a blast, I learnt so much and gained so much confidence and in 2023 I accepted an exciting new role and I have never looked back.  

The main message from my experience, is please open up and talk to people, even if it’s a stranger, it really helps. There are so many resources, but people do care, and that is the most important part, even when it feels they don’t, they do care.  

I also found being outside when I could be helped, woodlands, grasslands, even the coast all helped me.  

My life has changed, and it’s due to nature, and working in the sector, feeling appreciated and making a difference. Mental health is never cured and there are still bad days, but they are few and far between now.